More of My Story ...

So to continue on with my story.... What do you do when you find
yourself on your own with 4 boys and a one year old little girl..
And on top of them you have to deal with what life has thrown at
you in regards to your medical situation.. My own stubbornness
and disbelief that I could be Bipolar ruined my relationship with my
boyfriend he was the one person other than my kids that was my
whole world.. It was hard enough to adjust to being on my own,
having to budget my household finances, raise my kids, get my
divorce from my ex husband, try to somehow reconstruct my
relationship with my boyfriend and still try and understand and
learn about what I would be living with for the rest of my life and
how I could control it to the best of my capabilities.. I started taking
my meds, going to my doctors appointments every week and also
getting the extra help from doctors at the Phsyciatric Hospital as well..
I started keeping a daily journal, a log to keep track of my meds so
that I knew I had taken what was ordered by my doctors, a log on
what I thougth was helping me get through my day , and a log for
what I thought was causing me problems and grief etc..
Through going back re reading my journals and logs I pretty much
learnt how to figure out what I thought was causing me to either hit
high or low episodes in my life.. I started keeping a log for my
finances, what had to be paid when it had to be paid, what I had
already paid, what money I had for groceries and what I would have
left over after they were all paid up.. I don't get child support, and
my ex-husband didn't and still doesn't contribute in any positive
way with his children's well being.. I also had to deal with my kids
having alot of anger and hostility towards the situation with their dad,
as well as not understanding why their mom was always sick..
I honestly have to say if it wasn't for my older kids and my brother
and sister and some of the kids friends, at that time in our lives,
helping out with the younger kids and the house I would have totally
lost my mind... Family and friends are a huge asset in a persons life
that has to live with not just Bipolar but any medical condition, cherish
them they are the crutch for whats broken that people can't see on the
outside...

New Med Yesterday..

So yesterday was another hour long session with my doctor...
How am I feeling she asks..
Well apart from the fact that I am in excrutiating pain all the
time from the Fibro, my sleep pattern has become much worse
I have gone from about an 1 hour to 2 hours of sleep a night to
hardly any at all.. When I have got some sleep it's only to have
been woke up with such life like nightmares that have stopped
me from even wanting to try to go back to sleep..
So I'm up all hours of the night roaming around the house
making mental notes of what needs to get done..
At the time it feels like I should be waking up the rest
of the house to start working on my list of little projects..
Winter isn't even over with yet!!
And I have a list longer than my arm on what I want to
get done before next winter comes around..
Things like sealing up the windows, what needs to be
insulated, or done to stop the cold from getting in, what
needs to be stocked up on incase we get hit with any kind
of storm, do I need to buy more comforters, should I get
more lamp oil, or candles how many batteries should I
have in the house.. These are things that I don't usually
start thinking about until August, September time but
for some reason it's been running threw my head lot
lately, even Christmas shopping usually I have already
started now I'm just chewing myself up because I haven't
started.. And I've noticed I have been doing alot more
irrational things for about a month or so now..
I know I'm heading into to a high episode, I have no idea
what might have triggered this turn around, it could be
the weather changing, it could be some of the things that
have been stressing me out at home, maybe the building
excitement that I have family coming from England that
I haven't seen in years I don't know. maybe it's the
nightmares.. Anyway she has put me on Olanzapine today
to see if it helps, on top of the Lithium, Paroxitine,
Ampitrypiline, Naproxen and the Insulin injections..
The Olanzapine is supposed to help me sleep better and
help with some of the pain for the Fibro.. I took one last
night it would have been around 11 pm, I slept through
until 7:30 this morning only problem is I didn't want to get
up at all I knew I had kids to get ready for school, laundry
to put in all the daily household things ..
Once I got the kids off to school I laid on the couch and
had slept for another hour until my sister called...
I think the Olanzapine is going to help me get the much
needed sleep I need, and maybe just maybe it might just
get me back on track to stabalizer me...

BIPOLAR...What really irritates me ???

#1 People that don't have or take the time to understand what
it's like to live with bipolar everyday...
#2 Why they seem to think just because we are bipolar we're
stupid??
#3 The most common phrase I hear that really frosts me is
"What don't you understand "..
#4 Why they seem to think that we don't have feelings or
emotions...
#5 Anything I have to say gets put on the back burner like
it's not important and not worth considering..
#6 If I'm upset that it's no big deal to them, I'm just in one
of my moods..
#7 Why they have to say things like.."why are you like that"?
or "why did you do that"?..
#8 If I don't want to be around people.. That doesn't make
me anti-social or a bitch.. Right now it's for my own good..
#9 Bipolar is not the Plague....Don't treat me like thats
what I have got...
and thats just a short list of what really frosts me ...

Well here's my answer..

#1 Don't talk to me like I have no brain in my head..
I understand very well...
#2 I am learning to live with my condition so be patient
with me.. Support me..
#3 Instead of contradicting everything I say or my every
move.. Try and come up with productive ideas that will
help me, not hinder me..
#4 I have feelings just like you and when you treat me
like a child or not as an important part of society your
just helping to push me into an episode...
# 5 Show a little compassion.... You expect it, I do too...
#6 I'm NOT the only one that has Bipolar.. Don't
make me feel like I am alone...

The conclusion I have come to is that I have to live
everyday the best way I know how.. I know it's not
going to be easy and that I am not the easiest person
to live with, but if you love me have faith in me ..
So what if I change the furniture around once a week..
If it keeps me as level as I possibly can be, that might
seem crazy to you, but it works for me...

It's not me that doesn't understand, it's you that isn't
trying to understand me... I love you enough to try
and make things as normal as I can..
LOVE me back enough so I can do that..
"What don't you understand"???

Rules To Help You Get Through Your Day..

Here is something you can put on your frigde it came from
a fibro book to help with family members in household chores.

House Rules

If you sleep in it, make it up
If you wear it, hang it up
If you drop it, pick it up
If you lay it down, put it away
If you eat out of it, wash it, or put it in the dishwasher
If you make a mess, clean it up
If you open it, close it
If you use the last of it, replace it (toilet paperetc..)
If you borrow it, put it back where it belongs
If it rings answer it(take a message or write the message down etc..)
If it cries, love it

The managment.

Why do I have to suffer? A Fibro Poem

Why do I have to suffer?
Why me do I ask?
Why can’t I be healthy?
In a healthy body I could bask !
But no, I have headaches and muscle spasms
Weakness and pain so severe !
Great aches and pain so bad
I’m sure you don’t wanna hear !
I didn’t ask for this
I tried so hard to ignore
But no matter how hard I tried
I couldn’t do it anymore !
I had to find a doctor
He ran test after test
He couldn’t find the answer
Fibromyalgia was his best !
So where do I go from here?
No one really knows
I guess I have to live with it
So the story goes !
I get up every day
I rely on lots of pills
To get through every task
To try to cure my ills !
And though there is no answer
Each day I hope and pray
That there will be a hope
A miraculous cure someday !

So what's the first thing that runs through your mind when you find
out your Bipolar ? For me it was denial....
I knew I was doing things that were not normal behaviour for me and
that was causing problems in my new relationship, but when I was
diagnosed with Bipolar, I honestly thought my doctor was nuts..
Sure, I had suffered for years with major depression, I'd been on
alot of medications since I was about 16 for anxiety and depression..
I just figured it was because I had recently got out of a bad marriage
with an abusive alcoholic man, that plus having a new baby in my mid
thirties with my boyfriend that had to be it..
Noway, could I be BIPOLAR!!
When I found out about having the Fibro, it wasn't that hard to adjust
to really... I'd suffered from rheumatoid arthertitis since I was young
so pain was just a part of my everyday life...
But what happens when you have bipolar, fibro, rhematoid artheritis
and your an insulin diabetic??
It seems like your world is slowly coming down around you..
I tried to deny anything was wrong with me at all, to my family and
to my friends because I thought they would think I was a total nut case..
I refused my meds, and I skipped my therapy appointments..
I tried to go about my days as if nothing was wrong ...
That was my biggest mistake!! Always and I do stress ALWAYS take
your meds.. So what happens when you don't take your meds and do
as your supposed to???

I'll tell you all about what happened to me next time ....
If you have any comments on what you think helps you to get thru
your day post them they just might help others like you that are living
with Bipolar or Fibromyalgia to get through their day alot easier..
And you never know you might get some helpful tips yourself to make
your day go by as normal as it possibly can...

Take care and I'll talk to you soon..
Andie x x

Todays world is a hard place to live in..
But when a person has to learn how to live with Bipolar and Fibromyalgia
on a daily basis it makes it even more difficult to deal with trials of
everyday living...
Understanding these diseases and how they affect not only ourselves,
but our friends and especially our loved ones is not an easy thing to do...
Hopefully some of the ideas posted here will help people to make their
days go by a little easier and with alot less pain and suffering..

I'm looking foward to blogging about living with Bipolar and Fibro...
Talk to u soon.. please leave your comments and ideas how you
survive your day...